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Plurality Team MJ Barker Introduction Welcome to my free book on plurality. These free books are collections of the pieces that I’ve written on various subjects over the years for those who would rather print them off as a hard copy book, or read them - collected together - on an e-reader. I aim to update these books with any new writing on each topic every new year, so feel free to come back then for the updated versions. If you enjoy the book, and can afford it, please feel free to support my patreon, or make a one-off donation to my paypal: ● patreon.com/MegJohnBarker ● paypal.me/MegJohnBarker 1 Contents Introduction 1 Contents 2 What is plurality? 3 Introducing the team 5 Plural Selves FAQ 7 Plurality and trauma – 1 – theory 19 Plurality and trauma – 2 – practices 34 Plural mindfulness / mindful plurality 49 ‘No Bad Parts’: Some Plural Thoughts on The New Internal Family Systems Book 67 Balancing fight, flight, freeze and fawn: A plural perspective 1 86 Balancing fight, flight, freeze and fawn: A plural perspective 2 92 Taking ourselves seriously 97 Plural conversation about fear(others)/shame(self) 105 Accompanying vs. abandoning ourselves 113 Mind the gap: On slowing down and making space 129 Staying with the Big Feels 139 Attachment, emotion and plural parts work 163 Relationship conflict and the community of selves 182 Further Resources 185 Thank-you for reading 186 2 What is plurality? Plurality is an umbrella term for any way in which people experience themselves as different selves, parts, or states at different times. Some may use the word multiplicity to capture the same idea. One version of this which has become part of common understanding is the idea that we have an ‘inner critic’ side who tells us we’re not good enough and should do better. Another popularly understood version is the sense that we might have an ‘inner child’ and/or ‘inner parent’. People often find it easiest to recognise plurality in themselves when they reflect on how they are in different relationships, or situations. Trevor Butt’s research found that most people experience and express quite different character traits with different people in their lives, despite retaining a sense that they were ‘being themselves’ in all those relationships. For example a person might being mostly serious, quiet, and intellectual with one friend or family member, and mostly humorous, outgoing and emotionally open with another. We might also reflect on the sides of us who emerge when working, socialising, in conflict, in crisis, or going to bed at night, for example. Probably the only media depiction of plural experience is in the context of mental health. Films like Sybil, Fight Club, Me, Myself and Irene, Identity, and Split , and TV shows like United States of Tara , represent people with plural experience mostly in a mental health context. They’re depicted as mad - and often also as bad - with one or more alter-egos who are violent and/or evil. The American Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM 5) now uses the term Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for plural experience rather than Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). DID is diagnosed if a person has two or more distinct identities or personality states, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the world and the self. To be diagnosed they must also experience dissociation - or forgetting - when in different states, and it must impact them adversely. It’s estimated that around 1-3% of people are diagnosable with DID. An alternative approach to plurality can be found in the work of therapists and authors such as Hal and Sidra Stone, and Richard Schwartz, in the US, and Mick Cooper and John Rowan in the UK. They propose that we’re all plural rather than singular, and put forward therapeutic techniques for engaging with the different sides of ourselves such as voice dialogue: bringing different selves into conversation through talking - or journalling - between them. In such work the goal is not integration, or becoming a singular self, but rather improving communication between the different selves. The aim is that they can come to understand each other and work better as part of a team or constellation: rather as systemic therapy would work with a family system. 3
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